Monday, May 17, 2010

Ode to Facebook

There's about a billion and one things I could say to make fun of facebook, but today's focus will be on people's statuses. As far as I can figure, there's probably 6 different types of statuses people put up, and because facebook is not a place for creativity, there is just no more than that and not a lot of fudge room within each type.

First you have your Lyrics + Quotes people. These are usually girls in whimsical moods:
Marcia Jones the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly
Betty Smith Dance like no one is watching :)

If you're like me, you don't know a lot of lyrics, so you think these people are all artsy and romantical for thinking up such clever lines. These statuses are usually posted to denote carefree feelings of love and bliss.

Then you got your Profound Statements About Life People. And I mean Profound.
Hannah Johnson Life is full of trials. We just got to keep moving on though!
Anne Nobles I see nothing but the sun which makes a dust and the grass which is green. The future lies ahead.

These people are serious thinkers, and they are kind enough to share their wisdom with the world.

After them comes the Inside Joke People. These, of course, are funny only to those on the inside and are usually followed with an appreciative comment towards those involved
Ben Thompson Nothing beats hats and poker chips
Mary Simmons FORKS!!!! love ya Julie!

This group also includes the Group Appreciation People
Dan Brown Great ward activity. Go 94th ward!
Kaylee Redding Playing frisbee in the park was so fun!
Everyone involved "likes" these statuses instantly

Besides those you have Emotion People. But don't think for a second you actually get to know why these people are experiencing the emotions they are. Emotion statuses are vague proclamations meant as bait for getting comments
Kara Yates happy :)
or better and even less vague!
Sarah Sampson :)

Next group
includes the Practical Use of Facebook Status People
Christine Lopez Hey everyone, don't forget about the CES fireside tonight at 7!
Graham Gilligan Playing soccer in the park at noon today. Anyone up for it?

One of the most popular status updates is just that: Update People
Jake Wilcox Just aced my history exam! Now off to the gym for some weight lifting
Hillary Jackson It's 78 degrees outside! Think I'll go to the pool....
Ashley Dixon Just took my 3,864th breath for the day! Oh, and there's my 1,743rd blink!
Updated via facebook iPhone 2 seconds ago

These are generally also the people that makes sentences out of themselves
Derek Cakehead is watching Goonies. Love Chunk
Melissa Sanders woke up feeling sore.

Don't get me wrong, facebook is a wonderful institution. I check it religiously after reading my scriptures and brushing my teeth like any healthy person. And I hate it with a passion too.
Krista Roy Can't you seeee you belong with meee
Krista Roy Sometimes oxygen circulates around in the atmosphere. Just a profound thought
Krista Roy 5 minute mile in you vans. hahaha Coach Schwartz!
Krista Roy neutral feeling :|
Krista Roy Dinner in the kitchen in an hour! be there!
Krista Roy is finished blogging. Think I'll go check my facebook.....

5 comments:

  1. If I knew, understood and did not fear getting addicted to facebook I would:
    a.Climb every mountain, ford every stream.
    b.Fear knocked on the door, faith answered, there was no one there.
    c.go to the pet store to see the kittens, at least that's what my mom thinks I'm doing.haha
    d.exhausted feeling(-o
    e.Girl's camp in one month! Be there!
    f.is done commenting. "I did it"

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  2. I think my status category would be people who post a status every 2 or 3 months when something eventful enough happens that they think other people might care to read it. Ex//

    "I'm Gonna Be On TELEMUNDO!!!"
    or
    "Dan and I just performed surgery on our ps3 ... did you know that 4 dvds could be crammed in there all at the same time? ... well, now you know. Don't let your kids try it."

    I think probably 90% of my 'eventful' things are crazy things my kids do - which would also classify the content on my blog pretty well. I guess I just need an outlet for that. It's therapeutic :).

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  3. so, i'm a facebook idiot and hardly ever get on, but i would agree with you.

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  4. Hhahahah! This is so true! Now when I read peoples' statuses (Stati?) I just think of what classification they fall in.

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  5. good one... I liked that exposition...too bad I too am like Jamie and a facebook idiot...

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