Monday, May 10, 2010

Today I remembered what i hate even more than ice: the dentist

When I was in 3rd grade we did a musical called "Someone You Can Count On" and it was about how dentists and doctors are our friends and we should like them and it was all a psychological trick to get little kids to warm up to those sorts of things at an early age by putting encouraging words to clever tunes and having us all dance around like happy little hooligans. It was tight casting, because they put me as the kid who hates the dentist and with excellent emotion and true sincerity, i opened the play with a line that went something like this: "YOU GUYS! I just saw a monster and he had tubes coming out of his face and he was wearing a mask and he was holding all sorts of weapons ANNNND...." And then the next kid interrupted me by saying something stupid like "Oh, that was just the dentist, you paranoid child! Dentists are our friends! You should have run up and hugged that big friendly monster!"

That play was a lie.

There is no charity in the walls of a dentist hell.

The pleasant conversation is a deceitful guise. Your hands are in my mouth anyway!

The innocent Billy Joel playing in the background is a weak attempt to make me at ease.

I hate looking at ceiling tiles. I don't want the toothbrush at the end of the visit. I'm usually an amiable person, but no. Not at the dentist. It is just an evil place. They even leaned me back so far in my chair I couldn't see Pikes Peak out the window. blllllahhhhhhhhh and now my mouth is numb for the next 4 hours.

I would have even been a little happier if they had at least, instead of those evil tool things, used ice to numb me up.

5 comments:

  1. this would be hilarious if i couldn't tell that you mean every word so sincerely. also, fyi, it's "type" casting.

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  2. It is type casting however, in that particular instance, I believe tight, way uptight, casting is appropriate. Sorry about the bad teeth...at least you got pretty blue eyes from me as a compensation for crap teeth...

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  3. Pis-I bet you sit in the same chair that beautifully faces Pikes Peak right out there window and you look at its grandeur and beauty and you think "Genius! Build a Dentist office facing Pikes peak so the patience will have something beautiful to look at!" Then they lower you down about 2 inches too low.....and your heart breaks. Even harder than before you were just at the dentist. I remember that awful moment. However-I opted for the free toothbrush and floss....So I could use them and never have to go back there again.

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  4. oh i so so relate. why have i not gone to the dentist in 3 years?? because i hate it too!!! ladon's gonna have to knock me out to get me to go.

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  5. you should come to my dentist. It is bliss and wonder and we always pray for cavities just so we can go back a little sooner than 6 months (not really, but at least there is some good aspect of the cavity!)

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